“Think of me like Yoda, but instead of being little and green I wear suits and I’m awesome. I’m your bro – I’m Broda.”
“All right, I took the quiz. And it turns out I do put career before men.”
“We swallow our feelings. Even if it means we’re unhappy forever. Sound good?”
“Here’s the mini-cherry on top of the regular cherry on top of the sundae of awesomeness that is my life.”
“It’s gonna be legend-… wait for it… and I hope you’re not lactose intolerant because the second half of that word is DAIRY!”
“I’m hopeless and awkward and desperate for love!”
“Whatever you do in this life, it is not legendary unless your friends are there to see it.”
[To a door] “I’m funny, right? What do you know? You’re a door. You only like knock-knock jokes.”
“I tend to keep talking until somebody stops me.”
“A lie is just a really great story that someone ruined with the truth.”
“Cheese. It’s milk that you chew.”
“It’s always better to lie than to have the complicated discussion.”
“Okay, pep talk! You can do this, but to be more accurate, you probably can’t. You’re way out of practice and she’s way too hot for you. So, remember, it’s not about scoring. It’s about believing you can do it, even though you probably can’t. Go get ’em, tiger!”
“Your Ego’s writing checks your body can’t cash.”
“Oh, that makes me feel so warm in my hollow, tin chest.”
“I say more dumb things before 9am than most people say all day.”
“Sometimes we search for one thing but discover another.”
“How do you find clothes that fit?”
“I am not blah, I am a hoot!”
“Step one, you start running. There is no step two.”
SHUT UP. SHUT UP. SHUT UP.
