No longer, we’re assured, will it ever be described as ‘just a domestic’. For such a long time, that has been the dangerously dismissive term applied to the terrible violence which has been perpetrated behind closed doors, ruining the lives of women, children and, in some cases, men.
Some 2.4 million people in England and Wales, mostly women, experienced domestic abuse in the past year and it’s worth remembering how many women’s lives are ended in the home.
One in five murders happens as a result of a woman being killed there or soon after she has managed to leave the man who has beaten her, raped her, threatened her, or controlled her every move.
On the orders of the Home Secretary, the police are, at last, being ordered to adopt a Strategic Policing Requirement which puts violence against women and girls on the same level as terrorism, child sexual abuse and organised crime.
Every force in England and Wales is to be asked to target the most dangerous domestic abuse offenders. Those with a conviction for controlling or coercive behaviour will be managed by the police, prison and probation services, and added to the Violent and Sex Offender Register.
On the orders of the Home Secretary (pictured), the police are, at last, being ordered to adopt a Strategic Policing Requirement which puts violence against women and girls on the same level as terrorism, child sexual abuse and organised crime
There will also be a trial in three areas where perpetrators will be tagged and closely monitored.
Which is all fine. Domestic violence should be taken this seriously. But where’s the money? Where are the numbers of police who are adequately trained or who have the adequate respect for women needed to take this work seriously?
How are women to trust officers when confidence in the police is at an all-time low? How are they to find out crimes are being committed when women are terrified of reporting what’s going on?
I have two friends I now know have suffered for years. Before either of them married we would often go out together. They’re highly educated, from middle-class families and I thought they’d done rather well in the marriage stakes. I was invited to both weddings and met what appeared to be nice young men. Good-looking, well- mannered, charming, with well-paid professional jobs.
Soon they were both set up in pleasant family homes and children came along pretty quickly.
I assumed when they refused my invitations to go out, maybe for a bite to eat or to see a film, it was a result of the pressures of trying to do their jobs and care for their children. I thought nothing of it.
I started to worry when the first one gave up her job and rarely answered my calls. On the one occasion I did manage to get hold of her and she agreed to go for coffee, I was alarmed to see she was wearing dark glasses on a cold wintry day. She took the glasses off in the coffee shop, revealing a black eye. She’d bumped into a kitchen cupboard, she said.
I was wise to the classic excuse and began to question her. Why had she never called me when I’d tried to contact her so many times? How had she really got her black eye? Why had she quit the work she loved?
We’re talking here about women whose lives are too often at risk and children who can find no safety in their own homes. Surely, they are worth it
She made lame excuses until she finally burst into tears and told me he controlled everything. She was not allowed to see friends and family, he took care of the money, giving her an allowance to buy food. If she did anything to displease him, he thumped her, often in front of the children.
It was a long time ago and the term coercive control had not entered common parlance, but I knew what was going on. I begged her to get away. She had enough good friends who would help.
She should tell her family what was happening. She should report him to the police. She refused to do anything. She had no money, no prospects and was terrified she might lose her children. She made me promise to tell no one. We hugged as we parted. I never heard from her again.
The second woman fell off my radar soon after her marriage. I heard from mutual friends that she never answered their calls either and it was rumoured her husband was a ‘bit of a bully’ who wanted her at home looking after ‘his’ children, making sure his shirts were pristine and his dinner was on the table. He checked her phone to see who she’d spoken to.
None of us reported him. I wish we had, but would the police have thought it ‘just a domestic’?
For this new scheme to work, it must be properly funded with police and probation services fully staffed and trained. Women must be given the confidence to ask for help and not feel any shame at revealing themselves as victims.
There is one positive move. A scheme launched in 2021 where a woman can go into her local chemist and ‘Ask for Ani’ (Action Needed Immediately) will now be available in 18 JobCentres and Jobs & Benefits offices across the UK, with staff trained to offer help.
No mention has been made of funding domestic violence refuges, of which there are not nearly enough and those that do exist struggle for money.
There’s no point in the Home Secretary speaking of grand plans without finding the substantial sums to make them work.
We’re talking here about women whose lives are too often at risk and children who can find no safety in their own homes. Surely, they are worth it.
Proof Hollywood stars are mortal, too
Actress Lily James attending the British Vogue And Tiffany & Co. Celebrate Fashion And Film Party 2023 at Annabel’s earlier this week
I was rather pleased to see the lovely Lily James leaving a Baftas after-party this week with bare feet
I’m ever so slightly shamed to admit that I was rather pleased to see the lovely Lily James leaving a Baftas after-party earlier this week in a sparkly frock, fur stole and bare feet.
What a relief to discover that even the young, fashion-conscious stars can’t wait to get their shoes off at the end of a long night.
End the stigma of free school meals
I can’t agree with London’s mayor Sadiq Khan on his diabolical traffic management, but free primary school meals for all is on the button.
London’s mayor Sadiq Khan
Academic performance is proved to be better when children have a decent meal and this plan takes the shame out of being the one forced to admit your parents can’t afford to pay.
My own shame at school came in the opposite direction. I proudly told Mum I’d signed up for free lunches.
I’ve never seen her more cross. ‘You tell them you don’t need it. Daddy works hard so that you never need to go short of anything.’
The sting of being thought poor struck me then. I was only seven.
Great TV Prue, but I have one complaint
In their Channel 4 documentary, Prue Leith and her son Danny Kruger MP, tour America and Canada to discuss Dignity in Dying — Prue is for, Danny against.
Only one complaint: I wish they’d made clear how proposals here are different and would be tightly controlled.
In their Channel 4 documentary, Prue Leith and her son Danny Kruger MP, tour America and Canada to discuss Dignity in Dying — Prue is for, Danny against
Only the terminally ill, in great pain, would be allowed to choose it, should the law change.
No attention was paid in the documentary to the people here who take their own lives in desperation.
David Minns, who took part in my programme on the subject a year ago, died last week.
He suffered with multiple myeloma and longed for a dignified death with his family around him. He should have had that choice.
- Why on earth have BBC news journalists been told to look ‘sweaty and dirty’ to appear more ‘trustworthy’? I spent 33 years on the radio. Smartly dressed, hair and make-up done, even though only colleagues and the studio guests could see me. It’s called good manners.
DailyMail
