Sometimes in life, you just have to throw in the towel and say: Okay, you win!
And at 53, that’s exactly what Lauren Sanchez has done: she’s won. Big time.
Yes, she’s the former C-list TV personality who traded-up for the role of lover to the tech tycoon. Yes, she’s full to the brim with plastic and pump. And yes, her dirty laundry has been aired so often she’s practically the cover girl for Maytag. But, ladies: don’t we all want to be her right now?
Because she’s only gone and bagged a marriage proposal from b-zillionaire Amazon-founder Jeff Bezos, 59, once the richest man in the world no less and still worth a cool $139 billion.
As she flashed that F*** You sparkler for the cameras atop her soon-to-be-hubby’s $500 million yacht this week, you just knew she didn’t give two carats what the rest of us think. And I for one have absolutely no shame in outing my own seething jealousy.
‘It Should Have Been Me’, I sob from down here on Planet Poor, singing the 1975 Yvonne Fair hit.
Lauren Sanchez has gone and bagged a marriage proposal from b-zillionaire Amazon-founder Jeff Bezos , once the richest man in the world no less and still worth a cool $139 billion.
And as she flashed that F*** You sparkler for the cameras atop her soon-to-be-hubby’s $500 million yacht this week, you just knew she didn’t give two carats what the rest of us think. And I for one have absolutely no shame in outing my own seething jealousy.
You have to admire the brazenness of it all. Giggling away, Lauren stepped out on Monday night for a celebration dinner with Bezos in Cannes, her tiny white dress and even tinier waist there for all to see.
Really, she’s laughing at us. And why shouldn’t she?
Not for her the four-star rated ‘Amazon’s Choice’ round-cut solitaire cubic zirconia ring ($13.95). Nor the top talent-agent Patrick Whitesell, her now ex-husband – worth a meagre $450 million.
No, Lauren’s story is the ultimate triumph of the Other Woman. She’s Queen Camilla – but a darn sight richer, and with likely many more years left to enjoy her crown.
We’ve all fantasized at some point about what it would be like to be a Lauren. Thinking of her life trajectory in the same way people talk about what they would do if they won the lottery. You know it will never happen, but it’s nice for a moment to imagine.
And just imagine… You’re a jobbing news presenter and helicopter pilot. You meet Bezos through your entertainment mogul husband who you’ll later ditch. You launch into a passionate affair which, in 2019, brings about the end of your 14-year marriage (and Bezos’s 26-year union with MacKenzie). You get him to buy a $165 million Californian mansion (the most expensive acquisition in state history) – plus other properties in Hawaii and elsewhere.
There are holidays to Spain, Italy, London, India. Bezos then even steps back from the helm of Amazon to spend more time with you. He commissions a $500 million yacht – complete with front-mounted busty Goddess figurehead, not too dissimilar in appearance to Sanchez herself. And, of course, there’s the reportedly 20-carat ring.
You have to admire the brazenness of it all. Giggling away, Lauren stepped out on Monday night for a celebration dinner with Bezos in Cannes, her tiny white dress and even tinier waist there for all to see.
Really, she’s laughing at us. And why shouldn’t she? Not for her the four-star rated ‘Amazon’s Choice’ round-cut solitaire cubic zirconia ring ($13.95).
Top talent-agent Patrick Whitesell (pictured, left) – her now ex-husband – is worth a meagre $450 million.
Is there no end to this fairy-tale?
How much icing on the cake does one girl need?
Remember, Lauren’s a post-menopausal 53. She’s not a 20-something model Bezos could have cherry-picked off any runway in the world. Let that sink in.
Now, certainly, it’s not a life for everyone.
Lauren’s had to weather her fair share of rocky waters – including the very public destruction of two marriages, with young children on both sides to consider.
There was also a terribly complicated mess over Bezos taking Lauren’s brother Michael to court in 2021 to demand the payment of legal fees which Michael owed after he had brought a previous defamation case against Bezos and lost (still follow?).
And, most notorious, there was the tawdry leak of intimate text messages between Bezos and Lauren. Including an alleged ‘below the belt’ image of Jeff’s own Amazon package – a picture which was later proved not to exist.
But for a woman like Lauren – hard as weapons-grade silicon – scandal such as this was always going to be par for the course.
Bezos commissioned a $500 million yacht – complete with front-mounted busty Goddess figurehead, not too dissimilar in appearance to Sanchez herself.
We’ve all fantasized at some point about what it would be like to be a Lauren.
Lauren’s story is the ultimate triumph of the Other Woman. She’s Queen Camilla – but a darn sight richer, and with likely many more years left to enjoy her crown. (Pictured: Sanchez with Bezos).
So, here I am, raising a glass of cheap prosecco to her. And getting busy plotting ways to emulate her staggering success.
In case you didn’t know: the current world’s richest man is Bernard Arnault, 74-year-old French fashion magnate worth $234 billlion. Time to brush up on those conjugations, ladies!
And as for you, Jeff. I hope you’re happy. But you really didn’t have to splash out on the houses, the yacht, the RING.
After all, I’d have settled for an annual Amazon Prime subscription.
